Coming to terms with the fact that you’re in a bad marriage is a hard pill to swallow. The warning signs may have just started, or maybe they’ve been there and you just didn’t notice before. Regardless of your situation, deciding to get a divorce isn’t an easy choice to make.
A drastic change in your spouse’s behavior can be an early sign that something isn’t right. Maybe they always pick a fight with you, or maybe they even ignore you a little longer than usual. Sometimes the signs are right there in your face, but how do you know what to look for?
There are several factors that can play a role in leading to your marriage’s ultimate demise. By identifying these problems, you can take control of the ultimate final outcome of your marriage.
Know the Warning Signs
An unhealthy marriage typically comes with more downs than ups. Here are a few red flags that your marriage isn’t working out.
Problem: If every discussion with your spouse leads to a big disagreement or argument, you may have trouble communicating with them. When a conversation about anything such as finances, children, or doing fun activities together leads to a fight, that is a good indication that your marriage is in trouble.
Solution: Be honest with yourself and your spouse about the way you talk to each other. Have that hard conversation about how much you argue, and let them know that you want to communicate in a way that allows you both to listen and understand each other, instead of just responding without actually considering what the other person is saying.
Problem: When your marriage has taken a turn for the worse, you will notice that you suddenly feel indifferent about things you both liked before. You may also find yourself enjoying being alone more often than spending time together. If the thought of getting a divorce makes you feel a sense of relief and your partner feels the same way, you have lost your connection.
Solution: Spend more time together. The more you get back into the swing of spending time together, the more likely you will be to rebuild your bond. Instead of going out alone, try suggesting that you both go do something small together to start and go from there. It’s not easy rebuilding a connection, especially if you have decided your relationship is over, but it can be reversed.
Lack of Respect
Problem: Disrespect comes in many forms -- it can be displayed in the tone they use when they speak to you, or through their actions. Sometimes disrespect is intentional, whereas other times it is direct. For example,it can show up in an argument,or when you are in front of friends and family and they do something that they know makes you feel uncomfortable..
Maybe, they are keeping secrets, hiding important information about finances, or excluding you from making impactful decisions about your lives. No matter what the case is, everyone deserves to be treated with respect.
Solution: Respect is earned. Speak with your spouse about any recent events that made you feel disrespected. Leave out any old issues that you have already resolved and focus on issues that need to be addressed in the moment.
Ask them how they feel and if they have ever felt uncomfortable by your actions. Take in what they are sharing with you and consider how you would feel if the roles were reversed. Remember the golden rule -- treat others how you want to be treated. Think about how you would want the other to react in the situation, and do that yourself.. They will notice and in return, may make more conscious efforts to respect your decisions in the future.
Problem: Abuse is not only physical, it can be emotional, financial, mental, or verbal. These forms of abuse are not always easy to see, which is why it’s vital to pay attention to your spouse’s actions and how they make you feel. Abuse, in any form, is never okay.
Domestic violence in California is defined as abuse or threats of abuse when the person being abused and the abusive person are married (includes couples who are not married). Here’s a small breakdown of the different types of domestic abuse by California law:
- Physically hurting someone intentionally or recklessly
- Sexual assault
- Making someone feel afraid that someone is about to be seriously hurt/injured
- This includes making threats to harm someone
- Harassing, hitting, disturbing someone’s peace, and destroying personal property
Solution: Understand that it’s okay to put yourself first and leave a toxic relationship. If you’re being abused or have been abused by your spouse, you should contact a family law attorney in Marina Del Rey to assist you with obtaining a domestic violence restraining order. A restraining order is ordered by the court and can help protect someone from being physically or sexually abused, threatened, stalked, or harassed. This could be helpful for you if you are actively seeking a quick way out of a dangerous situation and into a safer place. If you need immediate help, dial 911. Your safety is more important than anything else and it is never too late to seek help.
Making a Decision
These warning signs can be an indicator that it is time to end your marriage, but do not directly mean that you need to get divorced. Right now you need to consider what is truly important to you and whether you believe it is worth it to work through your marital problems.
If you don’t see a future with your spouse, and you want to go through with filing for a divorce, our experienced attorney at Marmolejo Law, APC is here to help you every step of the way. Getting a divorce is an emotional process and never easy for either party, but we understand this and can walk you through everything you need to know in order to help you come to a successful and positive outcome.
Call our Marina Del Ray family law attorney today at (310) 736-2063 for more information.